


Barnham and Eve and Muffet In the Forest Together At Last (Lemon, Don't Like Don't Read)

by Jubalii



Category: Layton Kyouju vs Gyakuten Saiban | Professor Layton vs. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
Genre: Animal Ears, Don't Read This, Fluff and Angst, Forest Sex, I'm Sorry, In Case of Manifested Snakes: You can Google Latin Prayers, Multi, Other, Parody, Post-Canon, That's What Worked for Me While Writing This, Threesome - F/F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 16:15:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14548530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jubalii/pseuds/Jubalii
Summary: Author’s Note: Domine ne in furore tuo arguas me…





	Barnham and Eve and Muffet In the Forest Together At Last (Lemon, Don't Like Don't Read)

Zacharias Barnham was walking slowly down the path in the Eldwitch Woods, thinking to himself. He was not wearing his armor today, and so he had on a pair of black ripped jeans with chains hanging from the pockets that covered his converse shoes (with no socks because anyone who wears socks with converse is a l-o-s-e-r) and he had on a ripped tee shirt with the sleeves torn off so it was actually a tank top. The tank top had the symbol of the Labyrinthian knights on it because he was the best knight of them all and always wore the symbol. In fact, it was even on his pajamas—that’s how much he loved the knights.

He was walking through the woods, listening to Saint Motel on his iphone because he was all moody about Lady Darklaw. He was in love with Eve but he did not know what to do because she didn’t love him back, so he wanted to be alone in the forest instead of talking to his friends in town. He thought about going to her hosue and singing the songs on his playlist but she would probably just laugh at him from the window and then he would be even worse because she would be acting like a total bitch.

“Man, I really wish I could talk to her without being stupid and shit,” he said as he walked along, listnign to his music with his Dolce and Gabanna embellished beats wireless headphones on top of his luscious red hair. He wanted to sing along but if he sang he would cry and then his perfect dark eyeliner and heavy mascara would start to run and he didn’t want to seem to be trying too hard to be emo.

“Hey!” There was a hand on his shoulder and he turned to see Darklaw standing behind him on the path. She was wearing a short red dress with black fishnets and her big inquisitor boots with ten gold bracelets on both her arms and a giant tattoo of alchemy symbolds on her shoulder above her heart . her boobs were too big for the dress and she had a massive amount of cleavage above the black corset on top of the drss. She was wearing lots of mascara and winged eyeliner and red lipstick and her hair was down with three black streks in it to match her clothing style (because she is obvs emo too duh) and a black headband with red broken heart clips on them.

“Oh Miz Eve I didn’t hear you because I had my headphones on,” Barnham said as he smiled.

“What are you listening to?” Darklaw asked, scratching her tattoo with her red and purple fingernails.

“Oh just uh opera,” Barnham lied because he didn’t want her to know he was listening to love music because that’s soooo not manly right? “nothing big.”

“oh really?” Eve replied, scrunching up her face like a bunny. “I didn’t kow you liked opera music. That’s pretty lame.”

“well it’s uh.. haha yeah I guess so,” Barnham laughed, sweeting from the embarrassment. “but I’m pretty lame, no wait I dind’ tmean that!” Eve laughed.

“Youre funny.” Eve pulled out her phone which was an android and not a gross iphone and took a few moody selfies in the woods for her witch Instagram page. “here, let’s take a picture.”

“ok.” Barnham tried to look all moody but he kept seeing eve’s boobs in the picture and couldn’t’ stop looking at how big they were. Usually when she wore her work clothes they weren’t that big, but now she didn’t have a bra, just a corset so they were HUGE. “oh wait a minute,” barnham said, not wanting to let eve see him staring at her chest in all her Instagram pics. ‘I just forgot im’ a vampire and you can’t see me in reflections and junk.”

“oh wow sorry,” eve said, frowning. “I didn’t want to be rude”

“that’s okay, I don’t mind. I wanted to keep a secret.”

“oh that’s cool.” Eye smiled coyly. “Do you have any other secrets you want to tell me?”

“uh idk lol” (AN: ooh, he’s lying! :D)

“I have a secret do you want to hear it?” eve asked, smiling.

“yeah sure I’ll keep al your secrets.”

“I’m a witch lol” barnham laughed “I know that already”

“oh yeah haha well another secret is I think youre really hawt and I want to have sex with you!” even blushed

“woah really!?”

“yeah” eve blushed harder. “I think you’re super cool and not all weird and gross like the other guys in town. You’re really strong and smart and perfect.”

“wow I had no idea you felt that way about me!” barnbach was super surprised and felt all hot but not like sweaty hot, just happy and wanting to kiss eve “can I kiss you?”

“duh!” so they kissed and it was SUPER hot and junk, like up against the tree and barnham got a leaf in his hair so eve took it and ate it which he thought was majorly hawt so he kissed her again and looked down her dress. Even knew he was looking down her dress but she didn’t’ care bc it was barnham and she liked him a lot. He got lipstick on his face and then she took out her lipstick from her pockets and gave him more because it looked super goth and really cool on him and she thought it was good.

They didn’t’ know it but up in the tree there was someone watching them! Omg I wonder who it was? It was actually Muffet, who was up there to spy on barnham because she’s totally a stalker and junk, but anyway she was up in the tree and was looking down and was just like

“Omg omg omg! Sir barnham and eve are kissing! Ah!” σ(≧ε≦σ) ♡ and was bouncing up and down in excitement so more leaves fell down and they just laughed and ate them like she was a cupid sending down hearts but it was actually leaves.

“hang on barnham I know what we can do.” Eve reached into her boobs and pulled out her Hot Topic brand cat ear headband which she put on top of her other headband and smield at him “there I know how u like me cat ears.”

“omg!” banrham omgd. “totally kawaii!” eve bluhed and turned pink and smiled. “now we can have sex!”

“as long as you don’t use the wrng howls and bend my cat ears,” eve laughed. Barnham laughed to.

“oh hell no haha I couldn’t fit my dick in your cat ears I am too big for that!”

‘lol why don’t you show me how big you really are?”

“omg omg good golly gosh they’re about to have sex!” Muffet screamed from the tree (but they didn’t hear her because barnahm’s music was still playing but he had it on speaker now so that he and eve could listen together even though it wasn’t opera and eve said she liked it because ehs liked super cool moody music and things to dance too amiright) “ah I can’t believe it! I’m so happy for htem!” (*/▽＼*)

But then she said omg wait!” I love sir barnham too and I don’t have any cat ears wah (つω`｡) now he’ll enver have sex with me too oh nooooooo”

“lets kiss some more” eve said ot barnham and then she took off his tank top and kissed the labyrinthian knights tattoo on his belly that he got for being employee of the month for nineteen years in a row because he became a knight when he was 3.

“wait nows my chance!” Muffet said with a big smile “I can go down and take eves cat ears and pretend to be her even though I am a prep and wear pink instead of black then sir barnham will be confused and he’ll have sex with me instead of eve! (/▽＼*)｡o○♡ she was so overcome with her love that she fell out of the tree and landed on barnhams dick and he said “woah!”

“omg!” Muffet said “I’m sorry I meant to come down but I fell!”

“wow”! eve said “you were in the tree the whole time?”

“yeah and I wanted to have sex too so I was gonna steal your kitty cat ears omg” mufet cried

“oh well you can join us,” eve offered with a smile “even though you’re wearing pink I don’t care”

“yeah you can join us” barnham said “we’ll take these two leaves and pretend they are your cat ears”

“wow thanks!” Muffet squealed and then they all had sex on the forest floor and became the best of friends and listened to evanescence and fall out boy together and looked up a youtube video for opera nad then laughed because they all hated it and had sex again and went home.

The end… OR IS IT?

If I get 50 review on my story I will right the sequel where Muffet and eve become pregernate with barnham’ s 10 babies and then the Storyteller is there? What???! Anyway please read and review but NO FLAMERS I don’t have time to deal with haters omg! Talk to the HAND!

**Author's Note:**

> Afterword: I have to physically go cleanse my soul now. I’m really sorry.


End file.
